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22 November 2016 @ 11:42 pm
Going through the motions, faking it somehow  
I am so SICK of myself sometimes jesus

I was stuck in a rut with work and out of nowhere there’s this Italian artist who came to me to ask if I could be her scriptwriter; I check out her work, it’s quite good

So we chatted, and I thought, I wanna do something with Mongols, and I could make them gay Mongols, but also let’s add a whole bunch of politics and conspiracies because I love that shit, right

So I imagine a first storyline that’s quite simple because I haven’t gotten down to reseach yet, and i try to explain it to her via Skype, and I don’t know if it’s a problem of language or what but she says she understands nothing

I tell her, it's okay, maybe you'll understand better once I've written it down

And now I'm stuck again and I have zero motivation to work on the fucking thing -- I also have zero motivation to work on the rest of the stuff I have to do

Why does everything have to be so hard

I need people who feel excited by the stories I invent for them, that's what motivates me, but if I have to fucking drag their weight around as well I just lose all will to do anything, give me SOMETHING to get fuel in my tank fucking hell, I NEED ENCOURAGEMENT I AM AN ARTISTBABY CHANGE ME MY ARTISTNAPPIES

Where's my Akaashi when I need him I want one get me one

fengirl88: Arabellafengirl88 on November 22nd, 2016 11:38 pm (UTC)
*sympathetic hugs*

having to drag other people around as well as propelling yourself is such a pain - I hope you get fuel in the tank soon. <3

I don't have an Akaashi for you but I usually find your General Arabella encouraging to contemplate. *grins*
sevenswells: OMG SQUEE (Princess Tutu)sevenswells on November 24th, 2016 10:58 am (UTC)
Oh my god yes thank you and thank Arabella you are both precious <3
greyhat: Zombie girlgreyhat on November 23rd, 2016 02:15 pm (UTC)
I dunno about other people, but gay Mongols conspiring sounds pretty exciting to me. They will be on horseback sometimes, right? Horse racing is very exciting, whether it's to a tryst or a spy meet!
sevenswells: INCREDIBLY GAY Lelouch (Code Geass)sevenswells on November 24th, 2016 12:00 pm (UTC)
Soyouz Aldrin: Deekimadourden on November 27th, 2016 04:02 pm (UTC)
Oh no, mais elle est trop bien ton histoire, j'étais si impatiente d'en savoir plus ; w ;
fidesquaerensmarta_bee on December 10th, 2016 05:33 pm (UTC)

Don't actually have a solution here, but if it helps, this reaction seems blindingly obvious it would have to happen in situations like this - sometimes being a writer just sucks.